"I didn't feel comfortable with Peyton being with someone else. I couldn't bear the thought of my friend Jesse or Peter having sex with her. I also re...lized I would be a hypocrite if I said I had a problem with her doing it and no problem with me doing it. I thought of Heidi and Victor's agreement. They were experimenting with others. Heidi went back to Victor in the end. I had no doubt that Peyton would come back to me in the end, too."You really serious about tonight?" I asked."If I still. I breathe humiliation being thrust upon me like a child being chastised. Will the Lord ever forgive me for this habitual transgression – this lust of the flesh? I feel as though I can’t shake it. Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life. She imagined watching movies in his room, and studying with him as they groaned about their professors.She smiled, starting to get excited. See, she told herself, aren't you glad you never killed yourself? That would have been so lame, she thought. My life is just beginning.She tried to picture herself married, to yet another faceless guy. She imagined herself in the grocery store, maybe running into her old high school boyfriend, Ryan Harper. They would be cordial, and talk about their jobs. Seeing that there was nothing, literally nothing left ... He didn't know what to say, and he felt powerless to do anything.Jeanie turned and buried her face into his chest, quietly sobbing."Take me away from here," she said. "I can't look at this."They turned to get into their car and saw a woman taking pictures of them. Jeanie pulled at her husband, knowing he would chase the woman down and pummel her. Jeanie knew that, because she herself felt violated by the intrusion, and wanted to do the.
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