If you want to fix us a drink, the booze's in the cupboard."I looked at the phone, stared long and hard. And decided on booze first. After I poured ou... whiskey's, Kelly rejoined me in the livingroom wearing a red kimono."Real nice, Kelly," I said again.She walked towards me and took her drink. She stayed close, sipping her glass, and staring into my eyes. Maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was the better lighting, but I swore she bore a striking resemblance to my wife. A younger Mary...maybe."No. .. I don't know how to describe it, it's just an endless aching lust. It's like my insides are tearing themselves apart. But," she went on, finding from somewhere the resolve to pull away again, "I — I'm frightened, James. I don't understand what's happening."With a little forcefulness I could, I knew, have taken her with only token resistance, but I did not want her that way. "Tammy, I'm not going to hurt you," I said soothingly."Look," she said, abruptly getting a grip of herself, "I'm no. He knows what it is she wants him to talk about and the thought terrifies him. He thinks about the life he left and how this new one can come easily crashing down around him for one girl. He’s not a teenager any more, though being with Paula makes him feels like one. It certainly makes him perform like one too. He wants to keep his place at the farm and he doesn’t want to leave Paula. Picking up and moving to a whole new part of the country wouldn’t be too hard, but he loves her. To lose her. My whole life has been a facking crisis: c***dhood anxiety giving way to teenage angst. I pick up a copy of The Daily Sport which a passenger has given me from the day before. I read the ‘massage’ ads. One stands out: Blonde 21 year old with tanned 36-24-36 figure, Bournemouth. I ring the number. She’s working today. I know it’s illicit… and that’s what makes it exciting. What if I get caught? I ask myself… think of the shame. You won’t get caught… it’ll be fun! I’m in a dilemma. I toss a coin.
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